You Know You are a Redneck When...
less than half the cars you own run.
the diploma hanging in your den includes the words, "Trucking Institute."
the main color of your car is primer.
the most common phrase heard at your family reunion is, "What the hell are YOU looking at, shithead?"
the neighbors started a petition about your Christmas lights.
the rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front.
there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
you consider "True Story" or "Field And Stream
you consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug zapper quality entertainment.
you had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
you have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table.
you have a rag for a gas cap.
you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
you have to refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey And The Bandit" was snubbed for Best Picture.
you honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
you prominently display a gift purchased at Graceland.
you prominently display a gift you CLAIM was purchased at Graceland.
you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
you think beef sticks and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
you think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
you think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oeuvre.
you think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention ever.
you wait to break wind in bed so you can fan the covers on your spouse.
your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
your family tree doesn't fork.
your front porch collapses and kills more than six dogs.
your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.
your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
your mother keeps a spit-up cup on the ironing board.
your richest relative needed help taking the wheels off his new house.
your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan.
you've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
you've ever used a weed whacker indoors.
you've ever used lard in bed.
you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
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