"What do you call a Polish woman with a pair of K-Mart shopping bags?" Answer "Matching luggage!"
"Why don't Polish Cheerleaders do the splits?" Answer "Because if they did, they would stick to the floor!"
What did the recently married Polish guy say to his buddies to impress them when he got back from his honeymoon? Answer I could have fucked her!
What's Polish shisk-ke-bob? Answer A flaming sword through a garbage can!
"What's this?" Hold up your left hand and fold in the middle two fingers and thumb. Answer "A Polish buzz-saw operator ordering five beers!"
"Why do Pollack's carry s*** in their wallet?" Answer "For identification."
"Why don't Polish babies play in sandboxes?" Answer "Because the c*** keep covering them up."
"How do you keep Pollacks out of your backyard?" Answer "Put your garbage in your front yard!"
"How do you k*** a Pollack?" Answer "S**** the toilet seat over his head while he's getting a drink of water."
"What do you get when you cross a gorilla with a Pollack?" Answer "A d*** gorilla."
"Why don't they have ice cubes in Poland?" Answer "Because they lost the recipe!"
"Why do Pollacks s**** s*** on the walls at Polish weddings? Answer "To keep the flies off the bride!"
"Why do Pollacks wear turtlenecks?" Answer "To hide their flea collars."
"Why do you call a Pollack with an I.Q. of 176?" Answer "A village."
"How do you tell how many P******* live in a town?" Answer "Count the cellar windows and multiply by **."
"Why are hockey goaltenders and Polish girls alike? Answer "They both change their pads after three periods!"
"What happens when a Pollack doesn't pay his garbage bill?" Answer "They speed up delivery!"
"What do you call that black stuff between the toes of elephants in Africa?" Answer "Slow Pygmies!"
What does a redneck woman say during foreplay? Answer "Just pull down my nightgown when you're done, darlin'."
What do you call a neighborhood full of rednecks and pit bulls? Answer All white.
What does a redneck say to his or her mate to stimulate foreplay? Answer "You awake?"
What's white and falls from the sky? Answer The coming of the Lord!
What do you call it when a woman with a small vagina goes to the bathroom? Answer "Pee-tight." (petite)
Why did the bumble bee stop at the gas station to use the rest room? Answer Because he had to make a BP (bee pee) stop!
What did Spock find in Kirk's bathroom? Answer The Captain's log!
What do toilet paper and Star Trek have in common? Answer They both have Kling-ons circling Uranus!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Answer The same place you left him!
"What's the best thing about going to a bulimia party?" Answer "When the cake jumps out of the girl!"
How do you know when you're at a real West Virginia wedding? Answer Because the entire congegation is sitting on the same side of the church!
Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia? Answer Because no one could find three wise men or a virgin!
How can you tell the rich folks from the poor folks in West Virginia? Answer The rich folks have two cars on cinder blocks on the front lawn!
"What is the state flower of West Virginia?" Answer "The satellite dish!"
"What's a shame?" Answer "A busload of West Virginians going over a cliff with one empty seat."
"How do you save a drowning West Virginian?" Answer "Throw him an anchor."
"What do you get when you cross a West Virginian and a monkey?" Answer "Nothing, monkeys are too intelligent to fuck a West Virginian."
"What's does a West Virginian say during foreplay?" Answer "Oh, honey, I'm so drunk!"
"What's the West Virginia mating call?" Answer "Get in the truck, bitch!"
What do you call a 300 pound woman in West Virginia? Answer Anorexic!
How do you break up a race riot on 125th street? Answer Throw in a basketball!
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? Answer Widowed!
What do you call a woman with only one asshole? Answer Single!
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a homosexual? Answer A Rectal-sore-anus!
What do get when you cross a pit-bull with a prostitute? Answer Your last blow job!
"What do you get when you combine marijuana with an aphrodisiac?" Answer "Tumble Weed!"
"What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?" Answer "A dick-tator!"
"What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?" Answer "A piece of ass that'll make your eyes water!" ALTERNATE Answer A piece of ass that'll bring tears to your eyes!"
"What do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone pole?" Answer "A 40 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone!"
"What has 1,000 legs and can't walk?" Answer "Jerry's kids."
What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp? Answer One is a cold blooded, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is just a fish!
What's the difference between a hog and a drunk? Answer A hog would never stay up all night trying to fuck a pig!
What is the difference between blondes and 747's? Answer A lot of guys haven't been on a 747!
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Answer Beer nuts cost about a-dollar-fifty, and deer nuts are under a buck!
What's the difference between a French Kiss and an Australian kiss? Answer They're almost identical, but the Australian kiss is down under!
What's the difference between Moose Head in Virginia and West Virginia? Answer In Virginia, it's a beer -- in West Virginia, it's a felony!
"What's the difference between Lady Godiva and three guys searching for a lost golf ball?" Answer "One is a hunt on a course!"
"What's the difference between snow-men and snow-women?" Answer "Snow-balls!"
"What's the difference between Bella Abzug and a bowling ball?" Answer "If you had to, you could eat the bowling ball."
"What's the difference between a Polish girl and a bowling ball?" Answer "You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball!"
"What's the difference between a Polish girl and a bowling ball?" Answer "If you had to, you could eat a bowling ball."
"What's the difference between a a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic oysterman?" Answer "The oysterman shucks between fits."
"What's the difference between a band of pygmies and a girl's track team?" Answer "The pygmies are a cunning bunch of runts!"
What's black and white and red all over? Answer A skunk in a blender!
What's brown and sits in the woods? Answer Winnie's pooh!
Why did the feminist cross the road? Answer Never mind that, what the hell was the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!?!!
"Why did the pervert cross the road?" Answer "Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!"
"What do 40,000 battered wives have in common?" Answer "They just won't listen!"
Why do women have two sets of lips? Answer So they can piss and moan at the same time!
Why do women have nipples? Answer So they can make suckers out of men!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a carp? Answer One is a cold blooded, bottom feeding scavenger, and the other is just a fish!
What do you call a lawyer with a 50 I.Q.? Answer "Your Honor!"
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures? Answer Vultures don't accumulate frequent flyer points!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bag of shit? Answer The bag!
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer? Answer A rooster clucks defiance!
Why don't sharks attack swimming lawyers? Answer Professional courtesy!
What's brown and looks good around a Lawyer's neck? Answer A Doberman Pinscher!!
What's the difference between a dead Possum lying in the road and a dead Lawyer lying in the road? Answer You can see skid marks in front of the Possum!!
Why do Lawyers wear ties? Answer To keep the foreskin from coming up over their heads!!
Why do they bury dead Lawyers 20 feet under the earth? Answer Because deep down, they're really good!
"What's funnier than 5,000 drowning lawyers?" Answer "5,001 drowning lawyers."
What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer? Answer A rooster clucks defiance!
Q Who is the most popular guy in the nudist colony? A The man who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts all at the same time! Q Who is the most popular gal in the nudist colony? A The girl who can eat the last doughnut!!
Q How can you tell who is the blind man in a nudist colony? A It's not hard.
Q What's the difference between a dead snake in the middle of the road, and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? A The snake has skid marks in fromt of it.
Q What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A Stick his bill up his ass.
Q What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A An offer you can't understand
Q If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why shouldn't you swerve to hit him? A It might be your bicycle.
Q How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A His lips are moving.
Q How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A Cut the rope.
Q What do you do if you're trapped in a room with a murderer, a terrorist, and a lawyer, and you've only got two bullets left in your gun? A Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure? A The bucket
Q What is the definition of a shame? A When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A There was an empty seat.
Q What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A A good start.
Q How does a lawyer say, "Fuck you?" A "Trust me!"
Q What have you got when you have 1000 lawers buried to their necks in sand? A Not enough sand.
Q What kind of fun does a priest have? A None.
Q How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups??? A Tell her she's pregnant!!!
Q What is the definition of suspicion? A A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.
Q What is the definition of innocence? A A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping bags for mice.
Q What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A A roaming catholic.
Q What do you call a nun with a sex change operation? A A tran-sister.
Q How do you get a nun pregnant? A Dress her up as an altar boy.
Q What's black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door? A A nun with a spear through her head!
