Can you name Pee Wee Herman's favorite baseball teams? Answer The Yanks and the Expos!
What's this? (hold your thumb and forefinger in a circle) Answer Pee Wee's playhouse!
Can you name two people shot in the back of the head in a theatre? Answer Abraham Lincoln and the guy who sat in front of Pee Wee Herman!
Why aren't dogs permitted at the White House? Answer Because they pee on the Bushes and chase the Quayles!
What's Congressman Lukens new campaign slogan?" Answer "If they're not old enough to vote -- f*** `em!" (Republican representative Donald "Buzz" E. Lukens is the Ohio Congressman accused of having sex with a 16 year old girl.)
What do Marion Barry and Marilyn Quayle have in common? Answer They're both fucking assholes!
"Why does Effie always climb on top when she's making love to Marion Barry?" Answer "Because Marion can only fuck-up!"
Why doesn't Marion Barry like to go to the beach? Answer Because he hates to get sand in his crack!
What do Marion Barry and Dolly Parton have in common? Answer A little crack and a big bust!
What do Marion Barry and Marilyn Quayle have in common? Answer They both blow a little dope!
What's black on the outside and white on the inside? Answer Marion Barry's nose!
What do Marion Barry and the Liberty Bell have in common? Answer They both stopped working after the crack!
What do you call a fish that uses cocaine? Answer A Barry-cuda! (barracuda)
What's Marion Barry's favorite television show? Answer Totally Hidden Video!
"What did Jim Brady say when he was asked how he felt about his job?" Answer "If I had half a brain, I'd leave!" OR "I must have had a hole in my head to take this job!"
"What's Ronald Reagan's favorite vegatable?" Answer "James Brady."
What is Bill Clinton's new campaign slogan? Answer Smell my lips -- no more Bush!
"Why did Walter Mondale lose the presidential election?" Answer "He was caught doing 69 in his Ferraro!"
Why did the Los Angeles Police Department leave the Lakers game early yesterday? Answer Because they wanted to beat the crowd!
What's the L.A.P.D.'s favorite hand when they're playing poker? Answer Four clubs and a spade!
Have you heard the name of Ted Kennedy's new law firm? Answer Dine`em-Dick`em-Dunk`em & Drown`em.
Can you name the new chauffeur that Ted Kennedy hired? Answer Jacques Cousteau.
What did Charles Stuart say to his wife after they got out of Le-Maz class? Answer Honey, you need a baby like you need a hole in the head!
What's the difference between Charles Stuart and Larry Bird? Answer Larry Bird jumps and then shoots!
Have you heard the new Kennedy slogan? Answer Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how many you can do in your country!
What did William Kennedy Smith say to his date in Florida? Answer Either do things my way, or I'll have my Uncle Ted drive you home!
"What was Ted Bundy's last job?" Answer "He was a conductor!"
What are the five most dangerous things in the world? Answer 1 - A Puerto Rican with a knife. 2 - A b**** with a gun. 3 - A J** with a lawyer. 4 - A Pollack with an idea. 5 - A f***** with a chipped tooth and hemorrhoids!
"What are Andy Gibb, Arthur Fiedler, and Liberace doing right about now?" Answer "De-composing!"
What do you do when a Pitt Bull starts humping your leg? Answer Fake orgasm!
Why does a dog lick its dick? Answer Because they can't make a fist!
"What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs?" Answer "Take him for a drag."
"What do elephants use for tampons?" Answer "Sheep!"
How do you paralyze a woman from the neck down? Answer Marry her!
What do you call an epileptic on a bed of lettuce? Answer A seizure salad!
"What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?" Answer "A show-off!"
"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" Answer "Ten -- one to change it and the other nine to protest the violation of the socket!"
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer That's not funny.
Why did the feminist cross the road? Answer Never mind that, what the hell was the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!?!!
"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" Answer "Three -- one to change it, another to say how degrading it is, and the third to write a book about it!"
"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?" Answer "Two -- one to change it and the other to suck my dick!"
"What's old and wrinkled and smells like ginger?" Answer "Fred Astaire's face!"
What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Answer Nothing.
What is the proper way to eat a frog? Answer Very carefully. First, place the frog's left leg over your right ear; next, the right leg goes over your left ear.
