2 male friends converse over the picket fence somewhere in suburbia. 1st man (complaining) "I'm so broke -- I just spent a fortune on my wife for her birthday. I bought her a new Mercedes and a diamond necklace!" 2nd man "Why both?" 1st man "I thought
A mugger accosts a woman, holds a gun to her. Man Okay lady, gimmie all your money or I'll shoot. She Mister, mister I don't have any money. The man frisks her all over her body, finds no money, he empties her purse -- no money. Man Okay lady, this is
An 80 year old woman goes to her doctor. Woman "Doctor, I'm afraid I have crabs!" He examines her. Doctor "Lady you don't have crabs -- you just have a rotten cherry and fruit flies!"
Gynecologist examines woman. "You're fine, but one thing puzzles me -- it's this wax buildup in your navel." Woman "That's because my husband likes to eat by candle light!"
Hey mister -- that dog nearly got you killed, and now you're rewarding him with crackers??!! Blind man "Yeah, I'm just trying to find the dog's head so I can kick it in the ass!!!"
if she didn't like the diamond necklace, she'd like the Mercedes." 2nd man "You should have done what I did for my wife on her last birthday. I gave her a pair of slippers and a dildo. I figure if she didn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!!"
I'm a Navajo. 2nd Indian woman I'm Arapaho. b**** woman "Well, what a coincidence! I'm a Baltimore `ho' and my friend here is a Washington `ho'!"
Shoes Saleman helping woman try on shoes. He looks up and sees she's not wearing any panties. Salesman "I'd like to stuff that thing full of ice cream and eat it all up right now!" She's indignant, gets up, calls her husband and tells him what happened.
Two b**** women are on a tour bus out west. They're dressed in mini-skirts and fish net stockings. They admire two American Indian women on the bus who have high cheek-bones and long, beautiful black hair. They introduce themselves. 1st Indian woman
Guy What's your bra size? Gal Multiply the length of your dick by 10, then add your I.Q.!
3 homeless guys awaken from sleeping on a grate. 1st Guy I had a horrible nightmare that somebody was yanking on my crank all night long! 3rd Guy I had the same nightmare! Middle Guy Not me, I had a wonderful dream that I was skiing in the Swiss Alps!
A b**** guy wears a tuxedo to his vascetomy operation. The doctor asks him why. B**** Guy "If I'm gonna be impotent, I wanna look impotent!" (important).
A Chinese guy is in bed with his wife. He feels frisky. Chinese guy "Honey, how about some 69 tonight!? Wife "What, chicken and broccoli again??!!"
American in Irish bar in Ireland. Irish guy walks up to him. Irish guy Your American beer reminds me of making love in a boat. American Oh yeah, why is that? Irish guy They're both fucking close to water.
Balding guy "I use a washcloth to comb my hair. I only keep a comb as a souvenir."
Guy What's your bra size? Gal Multiply the length of your dick by 10, then add your I.Q.!
Irish guy "That's okay -- I'll sleep in the barn." Irish guy goes into the barn. Two minutes later, the farmer hears BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! on the bedroom door. The farmer answers the door and the pig and the cow are both standing there.
They're having a necktie party with some queer." Gay guy (voice deep now) "NO SHIT!"
Three strapping young guys are in the hot tub having a gay old time. Suddenly, a bubble rises to the surface and bursts, leaving a trail of semen. First guy "All right -- which one of you men farted?!"
Two gay guys walking down the street see a married couple arguing. First gay guy to second gay guy "See, I told you mixed marriages don't work!"
Two guys playing golf. Two women ahead of them are really slow. 1st guy "I'll ask them to hurry up." He returns shortly. "Oh my God, I can't go down there -- that's my wife and my mistress. 2nd guy says "I'll go." 2nd guy (returns) "Small world."
Two guys playing golf. Two women ahead of them are really slow. 1st guy "I'll ask them to hurry up." He returns shortly. "Oh my God, I can't go down there -- that's my wife and my mistress. 2nd guy says "I'll go." 2nd guy (returns) "Small world."
wish?" b**** Guy "I always wanted to be inside a white woman." Poof! -- the Genie turns the b**** Guy into a tampon. The moral of the story is Anytime a J** does anything for a b**** -- there's a string attached!
young man gets up off his barstool. "Where the hell do you think you're going?!," demands the drunk. Demure guy (lisps) "I'm just changing sides -- I was sitting at the wrong end of the bar."
Two women in suburbs leaning over fence in yards, talking. Husband arrives in car with 12 long stemmed roses. 1st Lady Oh shit, now he's gonna expect me to lay on my back with my legs in the air all night! 2nd Why, don't you have a vase?
(A man has to tell this joke) Question "What has six legs and eats pussy?" Answer "You, me, and Billy Jean King!"
(A man has to tell this joke) Question "Why should a woman always masturbate with these two fingers?" (Hold up your index and middle fingers) Answer "Because they're mine!"
(A man has to tell this joke) Question "What does a guy with a twelve inch cock have for breakfast?" Answer "I usually have bacon and eggs!"
