Hilarious One Liners to Lighten up the Party

The funniest one liners for those that enjoy a sense of humor.

One liners are humorous and can often break the ice or calm rough terrain. A 1 liner or a one line joke can be said by anyone but I find the best ones are dirty. Like...

Q. "Why does a dog lick his privates"?

A. Because he can

The funniest one liners also need to be at the right place and timed well. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell funny one liners about dead people at a funeral.

Here are a few differnt Types of one liners.
Silly funny one liners
funniest one liners
dirty one liners
dirty silly joke

One liners are so stupid you have to laugh. Crack a one liner joke and become the life of any happy party.

The next time you are invited to an office party ryhme off a few 1 liners and lay them on the people when life needs to be added to the party. Start rhyming off one line crazy saying and hope your listeners split a gut. With funny 1 liners people will always remember you as a joker, this means you must always be armed and dangerious when called upon. But you have to watch out for the party poopers that aren't joke crazy. Sometimes anti humor funny people have issues that even the best funny one liner won't crack.

To be the crazy one that cracks off funny one liners, one after another takes talent that not everyone has. Then you have the wanna be's that try with their not so really funny one liners. Usually people just laugh anyway's, but there is no doubt some people are more natural with funny humorous one liners.

You can even use your talent when you are in the dog house with your spouse. Perhaps funny one liner jokes like "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" or "Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95/minute? " will get a smile...maybe!

Funniest Joke One Liner List

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Can a storm be officially designated as a tornado do without touching down at a trailer park?
Why Do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the only thing to survive a plane crash is the black box, why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box?
Why do doctors call what they do practice?
Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
Is a metaphor like a simile?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
How do 'Do Not Walk On Grass' signs get there?
What is a 'free' gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on headlights?
Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for ID?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds fee' on money they already know you don't have?
If a cigarette smoker wakes up from a 7-year coma, does he want a cigarette?
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a workstation?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
Where do flys go when it rains?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?
I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
I bought some powdered water....but I didn't know what to add.
If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, ...how cold will it be?
Do flies get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, who's the idiot that said 'Quit while you're ahead'?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
Why do they call it life insurance?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
What are Preparation A thru Preparation G?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
What happens to a 18-hour bra after 18 hours?
Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of G-d?
Why do black olives come inCans and green olives come in jars?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
How can someone 'draw a blank'?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro,' then what is the opposite of progress?
If G-d dropped acid, would he see people?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'asteroids'?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Why is it that when we ship something by truck, it's called a shipment but if we send something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why aren't there ever any GUILTY bystanders?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
If you ate pasta and anti pasta, would you still be hungry?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you had a million Shakespeare's, would they write like a monkey?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why is it that when you are on the telephone, writing furiously and holding a finger up to tell the person who just came into your office to hold on a second, they ask 'Do you have a minute?'
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Is there another word for synonym?
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
What happened to the first 6 'ups'?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
Does a person ever get sick without being tired?
If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?
What year did Jesus think it was?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from??
Can I yell 'movie' in a crowded firehouse?
How can there be self-help groups?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
How can there be self-help 'groups'?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in 'anagram'?
What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
How much would they pay the matador if the bull had no horns?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
How come there aren't 'B' batteries?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give them to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers??
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
How do you remove a club soda stain?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If you take the wings off of a fly, does it become a walk?
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

I personally like to joke and attempt to use my sense of humor every chance I get. If you are a naturally funny person then you should share your humor with those that appreciate it in moderation. You can sometimes where out your welcome using your genuine funny humor too often. Most of you friends, family and acquaintances know that you can tell funny jokes but not everyone has the same sense of humour. Heck I know people that don't even crack a smile at funny cartoons. For those humorless people perhaps a few pranks are needed to convert them?

A One Liner Master Can Be the Life of the Office Party

Funniest Joke One Liner List